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Leadership Skills For Child Care Professionals

Friendship and Leadership
Julie Bartkus

Many things go hand in hand – like love and marriage.  But what about leadership and friendship, do these two words work together?  Or does one negate the other?

Let’s consider a few situations to help clarify the complications of friendship and leadership.  These situations are an accumulation of happenings in the various organizations I’ve consulted with. 

Sarah recently became a child care director at a center where she taught for 5 years.  She made many good friends.  Her and her colleagues spent hours chatting about policies they didn’t like, a certain co-worker (need I say more?), and their personal lives.  Now Sarah has taken on a new role within her organization and little does she realize how difficult it will be to motivate and manage her team. 

One of the first challenges she faced was getting her team to respect her in her new position.  The policies she used to complain about are now the policies she has to reinforce with team members.  Sarah finds that it’s tough to reinforce policies – team members challenge her authority and some even roll their eyes and say:  well, we know how you feel about that policy! 

It’s also hard for Sarah to implement the “chain of command.”  At her first staff meeting she clarified roles and responsibilities for herself and her assistant director.  Team members challenged her and stated: I know you better and I feel more comfortable coming to you for whatever I need.  In a way their words were comforting and validating to Sarah.  However, she knew that they had to respect the roles and responsibilities of each of their leaders for their organization to be positive and productive. 

Sarah also spends more one-on-one time with a few employees (AKA her good friends).  They always have a crises going on that prevents them from having a good day.  Other members of Sarah’s staff notice that she always seems to be behind closed doors with the same two staff.  Gossip spreads about Sarah playing favorites and about the specifics of the issues these two staff members might be talking about.  Resentment fills the air because Sarah doesn’t spend nearly as much time with everyone else.  Certain employees think:  Does Sarah talk about me behind closed doors with my co-workers?  This closes down communication. 

Team members also know quite a bit about Sarah’s personal life.  She now wonders if this was a mistake, you know, sharing too much personal information at work.  Sarah is often the target for sarcastic remarks and gossip.  There’s a lot of tension in the air.  And just last week one team member stated to Sarah – you’re just not the same person you were when you were “one of us.”  Team members also make snap judgments about Sarah’s whereabouts.  If they cannot find her they make false and negative assumptions about her.  Sarah finds herself being defensive more often in her new role as a leader. 

Recently Sarah faced yet another tough challenge of leadership and friendship.  She needed to talk with one of her staff about a certain behavior that was apparently destructive.  Sarah still hasn’t had this talk with her because it’s just too uncomfortable for her. Sara doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.   

Yes, friendship can negate leadership in many ways.  The good news is that leadership skills can be built while maintaining positive and professional relationships, relationships that unite your team to meet a common objective.  

In future articles, I’ll provide success strategies for dealing with each leadership challenge presented in this article.

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