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Leadership Skills For Child Care Professionals

Even Potatoes Explode When They Can't Vent
Julie Bartkus

As I was eating dinner one night, I heard a loud noise – it was similar to a small explosion.  I looked quickly around the house to see what happened.  I saw nothing out of the ordinary so I finished eating.  Then, while I was cleaning up, it dawned on me - I forgot to take the potatoes out of the oven.  And worse yet – they exploded leaving an undesirable mess for me to clean up.  Why did the potatoes explode?  Well, I realized that the potatoes exploded because I forgot to provide them with an outlet to let the steam out that builds up inside of them as they cook.  You know…you’re supposed to poke a hole in potatoes before you put them in the oven.  I usually just stab mine with a fork. 

Anyways, all of this leads me to talk about the human need to vent.  Just as potatoes explode when they can’t vent so do people in one way or another.  Yes, it’s human nature and it’s a healthy thing to vent our frustrations, concerns, disappointments, and etc.   

There’s no doubt about it – people need to vent.  But how we vent, especially in a work situation, is most important.

During my programs we talk extensively about constructive and destructive communication patterns.  Venting can be both, destructive and constructive, depending on how and why it is done. 

Let’s take a look at how venting is destructive.  Venting is destructive when one employee has a conflict with another employee and instead of working things out with each other they consistently tell a third party about what’s going on and about how awful their co-worker is.  Then the third party (perhaps a co-worker, supervisor, or yes, even a parent) listens repeatedly about what’s going on.  Eventually the third party may inquire about the latest happenings.  Now other employees and even the children may hear what’s going on.  This is a very destructive way to vent because it creates a series of destructive communication patterns and keeps many people stuck in the negativity created solely by these two people who are in conflict.  And let’s not forget that this type of venting is GOSSIP.     

You may also witness similar destructive venting situations that arise from co-workers being disappointed by one another or frustrated from feeling like they always have to do more than their fair share of the work.  Or a supervisor, who is frustrated with her employee and in turn, vents to a co-worker. 

Venting in the workplace is also destructive when employees consistently bring their personal problems from home to work.  An employee may need to vent about their boyfriend or problems with a family member.  There are situations when it may be acceptable to talk about a personal problem at work – but for the most part it is destructive to vent about personal issues at work.

Can the need to vent be minimized?  Absolutely!  This is good news – right?  As employees build the skills to help them work out issues directly the need to vent will decrease.    Problems will be resolved.  Issues will be discussed directly with the parties who need to be involved.  (Skills that they may need to build include conflict resolution, self-confidence, and professionalism.)

Here’s how to vent constructively.  If you need to vent, don’t deny your need.  People who deny the need to vent often engage in other destructive behaviors.  Some people hold everything inside until they explode – just like my potatoes.  And just like my potatoes it’s not a pretty mess to clean up, especially if the explosion happens in the presence of children or parents.  The most constructive way to vent is to journal about what’s going on.  Journaling is simply writing down your frustrations, etc.  Journaling helps take a load off your mind and transfers it on to a piece of paper.  It’s a great tool.  Journaling also helps you come up with solutions and move forward.

*IMPORTANT* 

After you journal about a situation, you may find that you’re now emotionally ready to talk things out in a calm, professional manner.  This is important.  Venting sessions at work should be a rarity not a normal part of the day.  However, brainstorming for solutions with co-workers is different than venting and it’s a positive and productive activity to engage in.

Other tools that people have used include writing a letter to that person and never mailing it.  A comedian I once interviewed, Sandra Baker, said she writes her frustrations down on a piece of toilet paper and then flushes it.  Some people exercise it out while others utilize a punching bag. 

Another tool is to utilize a support group outside of work so you can vent to someone who does not know the person you are venting about.  This type of venting does not damage your team and provides an outlet for your steam.  Remember venting alone does not solve the problem, conflict, or frustration you’re facing but when done constructively, venting can help you to get beyond the emotional stuff and focus on facts, benefits, and most important solutions.  The main thing is to vent in a constructive way so you don’t let a lot of negative thoughts get in your way of having a positive and productive day.

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