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Leadership Skills For Child Care Professionals

Enabling Destructive Behavior
Julie Bartkus

Enabling Destructive Behavior
(A case scenario for you, the leader) 

Sally is your team’s self-designated spokesperson. She is the member of your staff who has no qualms about bringing minor issues to you, as well as complaints and gossip.  She has no problem speaking on someone else’s behalf. 

Sally recently shared with you that Sue is unhappy about a comment that Margaret made to her.  She also passed along the fact that Stephanie and Rob have cultural differences that cannot be worked out.  Oh yes – and let’s not forget about Robyn.  Robyn is very shy and relies on Sally to communicate all issues for her.  Recently, Sally spoke to a parent about an issue Robyn had, something about bringing in an extra set of dry clothes for little Bobby.  Anyways, it was clearly an issue that Robyn should have handled.       

Much of Sally’s time is spent listening to her co-workers’ complaints, and then passing them along to you.  What Sally doesn’t realize is that she is being destructive - and at the same time - she is enabling her co-workers to be destructive as well.  Sally has told you many times:  I’m just trying to help  – or – I thought it would help you to know...   Her intentions are good and she feels that she is helping her co-workers through speaking up for them.   

The reality is:  Sally’s behavior is destructive because she is neglecting her responsibilities or at least not doing as great of a job as she can be doing because she’s too busy focusing on other staff member’s issues.   

Sally’s actions enable other team members to be destructive as well.  Team members don’t have to speak up for themselves - thanks to Sally.  Team members don’t have to build the skills to handle conflicts directly - thanks to Sally.  She does it for them.  Team members look forward to “hearing the latest” gossip from Sally – keeping their minds drenched in negativity.  All in all, team members are not growing professionally.  Issues are not being dealt with directly and they are definitely not getting resolved.   Team members do not speak up at staff meetings or at any other time you present them with an opportunity to do so.

What can you do to help Sally and other team members become more constructive in the workplace? 

1.      Help Sally understand how her actions keep the entire team stuck.  Draw a picture or diagram if you need to, but help her gain insight.  Help her see that confidence levels are low because staff members are not speaking up for themselves and perhaps team members won’t be able to advance professionally because they are not asserting themselves as they should be.  Help her see how the gossip that she passes around negatively impacts the working environment.  A team cannot be high functioning if gossip and other destructive communication patterns persist.  Help her understand how her actions impact the children and the parents.

2.      Set firm boundaries for yourself with Sally.  Let her know that you will no longer listen to the gossip, complaints, or third party information that she passes along to you. Nor is it acceptable for her to discuss her co-workers’ business with other co-workers.   

3.      Define very specifically for your entire team what issues they should come to you with, and what issues you expect them to resolve on their own.  There is often much confusion about this.

4.      Meet with Sally frequently and provide her with feedback on how you feel she is doing with her new objective.  A written plan may be required to help Sally change her behavior.

5.      Get your team’s buy-in.  Relate the importance of everyone resolving issues positively and directly.  Ask them to encourage each other to do so.

6.      Help your team build the necessary skills to resolve issues positively and directly.  

7.      Don’t hang on to staff members who remain destructive.  Sometimes we have to let people go so that our organization will grow.  I’ve consulted with many leaders who have one very destructive team member, who will not change, and yet, they continue to employ this person for months, and sometimes even years.  This action in itself enables the destructive behaviors to continue.   

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