A Proud Tradition of Excellence
Confrontation
by Julie Bartkus
"I
still hear the child care directors refer back to the points you made
that day and the effectiveness of your message. You certainly left
them with a plan of action to motivate, manage, and retain great
staff. You delivered a very important message to our directors in such
an entertaining & professional manner. I am convinced you made a
lasting impression on many of us."
--Carolyn Stephenson,
Director of School Readiness
__________________________
"Your presentation was
so engaging people were literally glowing at the morning break. Even
better than the great time we had at the conference were the comments I
got as I visited programs the week after. In program after program,
staff approached me (unsolicited) to make comments about how much they
learned and enjoyed the session. One teacher said your presentation
had truly 'changed her life'!"
--Mary Budrawich,
EarlyChildhood Specialist
_________________________
"Energy
and excitement was the tone of the day as Julie Bartkus facilitated the
Director's Retreat in Indianapolis, IN! The group of twenty-four child
care administrators were engaged in taking a look at themselves, their
staff, their environment and then creating plans on how to motivate and
retain their employees..."
--Vanessa Fletcher,
--Vanessa Fletcher,
Education Coordinator
When you say the word -- confrontation - how does it make you feel? For most people it is not a comfortable feeling. My workshop participants often admit that the thought of confronting someone brings forth very scary feelings.
Why is it that the mere thought of confronting someone or even the thought of being confronted can leave one feeling frightened? Well, most people probably have a negative association with the word - CONFRONTATION - from past experiences. I remember being in school and being confronted by a teacher when I didn't do my homework. SCARY! I also remember being confronted by a police officer when I got my first ticket. SCARY! I remember having to confront a co-worker about some information she was supposed to provide me, and for the third month in a row, she forgot. Yes SCARY!
To me, these confrontations were very scary. And I must admit there were situations when I was supposed to confront someone and I didn't - because it just felt too scary.
Most often, because of all the negativity associated with our past experiences with confrontations, we have negative thoughts and anxiety about future confrontations.
Do you ever feel that way? Perhaps you need to confront an employee about a behavior problem and you don't - because it's just too scary. Or perhaps you need to confront a parent or co-worker about an issue and you don't - because it's just too scary.
Another reason confronting someone can be difficult is because we focus extensively on how the other person will feel or react. We may be absorbed with such thoughts as: What will she think about me? What will she tell someone else about me? What will he do? Yes, it's important to understand things from the other person's perspective. However, it should not prevent you from confronting someone when necessary.
Since positively confronting situations is such an important part of being successful in business, in your job, and in your personal and professional relationships -- I've included a few tips below to help make confrontations less scary.
*Use the words positive, direct communication instead of confrontation. This is especially helpful if you have a negative association with the word confrontation. Many child care professionals have told me "I don't like that word, CONFRONTATION." If you don't like it change it. Positive, direct communication is a constructive communication pattern for all parties involved.
*Focus on facts, benefits, and most importantly - solutions. To do this - remove yourself emotionally from the situation. Keep your focus on the benefits to be gained through the communication. Most often we focus on our own fears and insecurities and get overwhelmed by our own negative thoughts.
*Write down the facts, benefits, and solutions you'd like to propose. Use a written list to help you cover the important points.
*Practice what you'd like to say (out loud) to yourself, or with someone who you trust for positive support. Sometimes just articulating the words can be a challenge.
*Always remember to start off by saying something positive and ending on a positive note as well. By positive I mean sincere and related to the situation. Not "I like your shirt." Or "You look great today."
For example, during one of my leadership retreats a situation came up where a director was having problems confronting the staff spokesperson. The staff spokesperson is an employee who makes it part of her job to tell the leader everything that is going on with everyone. She brings all problems to the leader for all employees so they never have to speak up for themselves. Well, this destructive communication pattern needed to be confronted. So to start off the confrontation on a positive note I requested that the director start by appreciating her employee's intent. " I appreciate your wanting to make sure that all employee issues are brought to my attention." That was our positive start. We filled the middle dialogue with some great words to easily get the employee's buy in to the behavior we wanted to change and ended with a sincere: "Thank you. I value you as an employee and look forward to working together to help make our team stronger and more empowered."
© 2001-2006 Julie Bartkus. All Rights Reserved. Julie Bartkus is an author, speaker, consultant and coach.
For speaker availability or for information CONTACT US or call us now at 800.211.5671.
Why is it that the mere thought of confronting someone or even the thought of being confronted can leave one feeling frightened? Well, most people probably have a negative association with the word - CONFRONTATION - from past experiences. I remember being in school and being confronted by a teacher when I didn't do my homework. SCARY! I also remember being confronted by a police officer when I got my first ticket. SCARY! I remember having to confront a co-worker about some information she was supposed to provide me, and for the third month in a row, she forgot. Yes SCARY!
To me, these confrontations were very scary. And I must admit there were situations when I was supposed to confront someone and I didn't - because it just felt too scary.
Most often, because of all the negativity associated with our past experiences with confrontations, we have negative thoughts and anxiety about future confrontations.
Do you ever feel that way? Perhaps you need to confront an employee about a behavior problem and you don't - because it's just too scary. Or perhaps you need to confront a parent or co-worker about an issue and you don't - because it's just too scary.
Another reason confronting someone can be difficult is because we focus extensively on how the other person will feel or react. We may be absorbed with such thoughts as: What will she think about me? What will she tell someone else about me? What will he do? Yes, it's important to understand things from the other person's perspective. However, it should not prevent you from confronting someone when necessary.
Since positively confronting situations is such an important part of being successful in business, in your job, and in your personal and professional relationships -- I've included a few tips below to help make confrontations less scary.
*Use the words positive, direct communication instead of confrontation. This is especially helpful if you have a negative association with the word confrontation. Many child care professionals have told me "I don't like that word, CONFRONTATION." If you don't like it change it. Positive, direct communication is a constructive communication pattern for all parties involved.
*Focus on facts, benefits, and most importantly - solutions. To do this - remove yourself emotionally from the situation. Keep your focus on the benefits to be gained through the communication. Most often we focus on our own fears and insecurities and get overwhelmed by our own negative thoughts.
*Write down the facts, benefits, and solutions you'd like to propose. Use a written list to help you cover the important points.
*Practice what you'd like to say (out loud) to yourself, or with someone who you trust for positive support. Sometimes just articulating the words can be a challenge.
*Always remember to start off by saying something positive and ending on a positive note as well. By positive I mean sincere and related to the situation. Not "I like your shirt." Or "You look great today."
For example, during one of my leadership retreats a situation came up where a director was having problems confronting the staff spokesperson. The staff spokesperson is an employee who makes it part of her job to tell the leader everything that is going on with everyone. She brings all problems to the leader for all employees so they never have to speak up for themselves. Well, this destructive communication pattern needed to be confronted. So to start off the confrontation on a positive note I requested that the director start by appreciating her employee's intent. " I appreciate your wanting to make sure that all employee issues are brought to my attention." That was our positive start. We filled the middle dialogue with some great words to easily get the employee's buy in to the behavior we wanted to change and ended with a sincere: "Thank you. I value you as an employee and look forward to working together to help make our team stronger and more empowered."
© 2001-2006 Julie Bartkus. All Rights Reserved. Julie Bartkus is an author, speaker, consultant and coach.
For speaker availability or for information CONTACT US or call us now at 800.211.5671.